C E Hoffman

May I Live On In Love and Literature

Tag: booktuber

My Brain in 30 Secs {Stuff About Mood Swings}

Happy happy sunstroke 

high on sunlight brain explodes 

Happy happy drunk poet 

I’ll be famous when you’re all dead!!!!!!

(flashes, 

my sweet head.) 

-Liquid Moments Pt. 1 from Blood, Booze and Other Things in Nature (Buy it now!)

So, I have mood swings. 

Mood cycles, more accurately, which I experience as altered states. There are extreme highs and bitter lows, changes in energy level, cognitive function, lucidity and irritability, which, though often helpful to my creativity, are also detrimental to my enjoyment of and participation with life.

I crave consistency. Steady income, permanent address, a relationship I know will last. Perhaps I strive for such an even keel because I lack one internally. I am learning to ride my waves, but that doesn’t make them less exhausting. 

I’ve had mental health struggles for most of my life. As early as six I was plagued with extreme anxiety and bouts of insomnia. At thirteen I was compulsively self-harming, struggling with an eating disorder, and tried to end my life, resulting in psychiatric hospitalization.

Currently, the closest I have to a diagnosis is an assessment of probable Bipolar-2 with C-PTSD and BPD tendencies. (Quite a mouthful of alphabet soup.) It would take years working with a psychiatrist to be properly diagnosed. For now, I have to cope. 

Art is my antidote.

Jonathan Larson once said something like, 

“It’s not that I don’t share my emotions. I just tell them through songs.” 

My internal world often feels too intense to share with a family member, partner, or friend one-on-one.

Within Art, I feel safe to be myself.

Everywhere else, I turn my volume low.

Nobody wants a roller coaster in their living room. 

I did my best to compress my moods in a 30-second reel. You could almost call it a book trailer for Blood, Booze, and Other Things in Nature, which explores highs, lows, sexual misadventures, drunken escapades, and above all, my determination to act better than what I feel.

Doctors used to tell me, “Make it to twenty-one, and you’ll be okay.” 

I’m almost thirty.

It hasn’t gone away. 

And I’m done hoping that it will.

I will not let it stop me from doing all I’m meant to do. I truly believe our curses can become superpowers, and if you’re struggling too, please know that I believe in you.

There’s a reason we’re still here. 

Maybe I can’t get off this roller coaster. Maybe the peaks and valleys will never level out. Whether they do or not, I am already coping so much better than I ever thought I could. And, if you think about it, I bet you are too. 

Stay Creative. 

It’ll safe your life. 

C

PS Buy Blood, Booze, and Other Things in Nature here.

Cover Reveal: Blood, Booze, and Other Things in Nature

It’s here!

Been waiting to find out what the new cover looks like?

Wait no longer!

Watch below.

And remember to Subscribe!

Keep an eye out for Blood, Booze, and Other Things in Nature May 15!

Stay Creative!

C💕

Kickstarter Update Week 3!

It’s the 3rd week of our Kickstarter and amazing things are happening!

Watch the update above.

Donate here.

Stay Creative!

💕C

My First Print Review

It’s the second week of our Kickstarter campaign, and we’ve almost reached the goal!

To celebrate, I’ve released a reading of a fantastic Sluts and Whores review by Justin Bookworm at Razorcake magazine.

All a writer can ever hope for is to be understood.

This review gave me that. 💕

Donate here. And remember to Subscribe to Razorcake!

Stay Creative!

C💕

BIG NEWS!

Almost 6 months since the publication of Sluts and Whores, I have the chance to turn one of its stories into a short animated film!!!

We have launched a fundraiser to collect what we need to make this dream a reality.

You’ll get swag for donations as little as a dollar!

Donate here.

Stay Creative!

C💕

Podcast: We’d Rather Be Reading

Big thanks to Jerrica and Lia of We’d Rather Be Reading for featuring Sluts and Whores on their latest ep!

Be sure to Subscribe to them on Youtube, Spotify, and everywhere else!

Stay Creative!

C💕

Booktuber Review!: Carbon Bonded Books

You gotta check this one out!

A sweet review from an amazing booktuber.

No need to talk; just click! (And be sure to Subscribe.)

Stay Creative!

C💕

BLOOPER Reel! {Stuff About Imperfection}

“Nobody’s perfect.”

That’s easy to say- even easier to type.

Harder to live.

I loathe limits, fear my flaws, resist humanity’s core.

It takes ample courage to embrace imperfection.

And even more to laugh it off.

When making silly vids like the one above, I fret insincerity. Am I being my whole, true Self keeping things light when things have been so hard?

Pain is prominent. I can’t avoid that truth, nor do I wish to enhance it.

I don’t care about “disturbing the comfortable”, though I long to comfort the disturbed.

I want my work to be a haven for those who grew up feeling like they didn’t belong, as I did.

I woke up crying recently. (This happens more than I’d care to admit.)

I picked up my book, read some stories, and found comfort therein.

Perhaps, if my writing can help me, it can help others, too.

Buy my book here.

Stay Creative!

C💕

BOOK REVEAL! {Stuff About Celebrating}

My author copies have arrived!!!

Click for ten silly seconds of indie author bliss. 🥰

Celebrate yourself!

You’re worth it.

Buy my book here.

Stay Creative!

C💕

Martin Millar Testimonial! {Stuff About Community}

Feast your eyes on my first Youtube #writerslift!

On Twitter, #writerslifts are wonderful opportunities to meet folks and gain follows.

On my Youtube channel, I want to create a platform to lift up one particular writer/creative at a time- esp one who has influenced or otherwise aided me on my creative journey.

In this vid, I lift up Martin Millar, a writer and friend who has inspired and supported me for years.

He provided a testimonial for my new book, Sluts and Whores, which I read in the vid above. 💕

Success is best when shared.

If you keep success to yourself, it will only dissolve into greed.

Stay Creative!

C 💕